After my husband Ian died, my entire world fell apart. I went from being a loving, supportive wife who stayed at home to raise her children, to assuming several new roles and identities including widow, father and head of household. I felt lonely raising my kids alone and totally incompetent trying to navigate our finances, household handy-work, and the various internet, gas & electric, insurance and other accounts and bills that had been set up in Ian’s name. I was overwhelmed tackling the “to-do” list of a deceased spouse, not to mention worrying about getting a job so that I could make money after being a stay-at-home mom for four years! The sadness of losing Ian combined with the fear and anxiety of starting a “new normal” left me feeling paralyzed — left me feeling stuck.
When we lose someone special in our lives, we feel a range of emotions — sadness, loneliness, despair, emptiness, numbness, fear…the list goes on. The compounded effect of so many emotions in addition to the navigating life without that special someone can be overwhelming to the point of feeling helpless. We feel stuck because we don’t know how to move forward.
I remember one morning when the profoundness of my feelings left me crying in bed all morning. I decided to go to a yoga sculpt class and just start MOVING. Although my thoughts told me that I was stuck, my body disproved them. While I felt trapped in my mind, I felt a sense of freedom with every burpee, a hint courage with every rep of a heavy weight, and a glimmer of hope with every drop of sweat fleeing my body. As I laid in shavasana the instructor left us with three words — I AM ENOUGH. It was all I needed to hear.
I was no longer stuck, because I had just MOVED. And, although everything outside of me was unraveling, I was reminded that I HAVE ME. Even though I didn’t know all the answers to resolve my external situation — solo-parenting, career, being single again — I realized that all I really needed was inside of me. Through movement and intention I discovered that I AM ENOUGH.
Whether we believe that we are capable of moving forward from tragedy or not, the mere act of exercising moves us. Our bodies physiologically change when we workout and no matter how devastated, how paralyzed, or how hopeless our circumstances might feel, our biochemistry has shifted! We’ve movedTHRU!